Anónimo preguntado en Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · hace 1 mes

My wife told me that in 2006 while I was serving in Iraq she cheated on me. Now I can't see her the same way as before. What would you do?

In the year 2006 I was on my first tour of duty in Iraq. I deployed to Iraq in feb 06. I had graduated high school may 05 and I joined the Marines right afterwards.I had a girlfriend who became my wife in 2010. She told me that for a few months while I was in Iraq she cheated on my with a dude. When I asked her why she's telling me this after all these years she said it's because she loves me and can't live with this anymore and told me ' please be angry.' I know it's been a long time but how shall I feel? I was kicking down doors not knowing if an insurgent would pop out from a corner or something,I would go on patrols. I lost few good buddies. I told her I want to be alone for a while. We have a good marriage which hurts even more. Last night I went to sleep at my parents house and all I could see was myself on patrol in the boiling heat of Iraq while she's naked with another man. I know divorce may sound extreme,especially since I love her and I know she loves me but now I just can't let it go that image that at the very same time I was fighting for our country she was banging some other dude. What would you do?


anonymous: I wish I would have had a girlfriend as faithful as you were to your guy. I wish she understood what my motto means. Semper Fidelis means always faithful in latin.Guess she never knew what that means. I was a young guy,I could've cheated on her in Iraq but didn't. Many guys did

Actualización 2:

David: Thank you sir and Semper Fi

22 respuestas

  • hace 1 mes
    Respuesta preferida

    If you love her as you say then you should accept the fact that she unburdened her guilty conscience on you and forgive her for what she did. The fact is that you have every right to divorce her but not every right needs to be exercised in life. I think you have far more to lose by divorcing her than you do by forgiving her. Thank you for your service Marine. My son just retired from the Corps in May after 20 years of service. I think if you are anything like he is you are more than up to the task at hand.

  • hace 1 mes

    Since you love your wife, don't let pride get in the way of your happiness. I'm not saying forget about it like nothing happened; y'all should talk it out and possibly seek professional help. But don't let pride stay in the way of a happy life. But if you work hard, and still feel like you can't get passed it, end things on good terms and move on. Good luck :).

  • Ocimom
    Lv 7
    hace 1 mes

    I would seek marriage counselling for both of you if you want to remain in the marriage.

  • hace 1 mes

    If you still love her and want to be with her, just forgive her and see a marriage therapist to help you get over what she did to you. So you guys can be back to the way things were. If not, then divorce her. 

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  • hace 1 mes

    If it is any consolation, I'm pretty sure all wives cheat when the man goes off to war or to work or down the street or next door.  Heck they even cheat when he is at home.  So if your married you just have to accept this in our modern world.  That is one of the many millions or reasons I say men, by all that's holy please do not ever considering getting married.  Until women start to "Woman up" and be desirable with something of value to offer men which will be never just pump and dump.

  • hace 1 mes

    Fourteen years ago when she must have been very young, and four years before you were married, she made a mistake. You were away and she was young and lonely - and unmarried. Was it so terrible?

    You say that you have a good marriage - so what's to forgive?! Especially if the poor woman has been feeling guilty for so long. It seems a bit feeble to keep imagining this happening when it is so far back and you weren't even married. If you can't live in the present and work on the future, your life will for ever be retrospective. 

    Good Luck to you both: if you have children try to put them before your own insecurities. I don't mean to criticise, but do get your priorities sorted. 

  • Topaz
    Lv 6
    hace 1 mes

    At least she came clean she feels horrible. Was missing u so badly and made a bad choice. Forgive and move on. She will feel better love u even more and won't do something that stupid again to put u thru that. If she does it again then all bets are off.

  • hace 1 mes

    Since you weren't married at the time, I'd try to forgive her if I were you. It'll take some time to get over it and learn to trust her again, but if you truly love her and want to make it work I think you should.

  • you  took  the  oath  "do you promise to  love her … for better or for worse"?  like  a  steamed  stick  of  vermicelli … limp … no  backbone … your  word  means  nothing.

  • Anónimo
    hace 1 mes

    I work in the legal field.  There are two types of cheater - one type cheats, learns from the experience, never cheats again.  The other type cheats, gets over the experience, cheats again and again.

    So she told you to clear HER conscience?  That would offend me.

    I think you are wrong - you do NOT have a "good marriage."  I was a military wife.  I didn't cheat.

    She "loves you," but she cheated?  Think about it.  And when SHE couldn't live with HER guilt, she handed the situation over to you.

    I'd be gone.

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