bailey preguntado en HealthMental Health · hace 6 años

I love my therapist and have a crush on her?

Ik this might sound weird but please don't judge me. I'm a 14 year old girl (bisexual) who has been seeing a female therapist that is about 45 years old. I have been seeing her for 8 months for depression and self harm. I really feel like I love her. I can't stop looking at pictures of her on her facebook. I just think she's so cute but I feel weird because she's so much older then me. Sometimes I have sexual dreams... I just can't imagine my life without her. I'm always thinking about her and never want to leave. Any advice? Serious answers please.

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  • Anónimo
    hace 6 años
    Respuesta preferida

    Hi hun,

    What you're feeling is really, really common in therapy. It happens all the time between clients and therapists, regardless of age, gender, etc. In fact, it is a sign of good therapy, so this is a really good sign for you! You should definitely stick with her as a therapist, because these feelings could even benefit you in therapy by keeping you honest. I'm completely serious - you've found a really good therapist whom you click with, so that will help you to make progress.

    I have a big crush on my own therapist. We're both female, although I wouldn't say that I'm really bisexual. She's also quite a bit older than me. I talked about it with her, and she said that it's really common. She said that when this happens (as it so often does), the therapy is much more likely to work. And eventually, I have found that it does! :) When I talked about it (actually I wrote a note and then we discussed it), we just went over how I felt about her and how it was really common and not wrong, and she helped me to make sense of my feelings and where they came from a bit more. She said that it was ok to feel that way, it was just not ok to act on my feelings (i.e. jump over the table and start making out with her). She was fine with it, said that it didn't make her uncomfortable (I was a bit ashamed) and nothing changed in the way that she treated me at all.

    Maybe you would want to search up "transference" or "erotic transference". This is what you are going through, and your therapist will be used to it happening and skilled in dealing with it in an appropriate way. She's heard it all before, including having clients tell her that they love her, I bet. I can guarantee that she will not stop seeing you if you do decide to talk about it. I'm 100% certain of that.

    I would recommend talking to your therapist about it. It might take the edge off your feelings a bit - it did for me. I bet your therapist will be really impressed at how brave you are to bring it up if you do! I know that it would be nerve racking, but that's what you're there for, isn't it? To be open and honest about what is going on. This means that she will be more able to help you in every way that she can. If you're trying to hide something from her, that might hold you back when you're talking about other things in therapy.

    These feelings are ok, and they're normal, so talk about them and enjoy them! You've found a therapist who is the perfect match to help you through your depression, so definitely stick with her whatever you do. The feeling of love and acceptance will probably actually help you through your depression and self-harm. I have BPD and self-harm, and I think that it is the strength of the relationship with my therapist which has really made the most difference. Before my current therapist, I was seeing someone who I didn't really like, and things got worse.

    Why wouldn't you love her? She gives you unconditional positive regard. She makes you feel safe and you trust her. Se helps you and supports you. What's not to love about her?

    So, I would advise to keep loving her, accept it, talk to her about it, google "transference" if you want more stories/info and keep up the good work in therapy with her :) Some of those are easier said than done, I know.

    Hang in there <3

  • hace 6 años

    I'm experiencing this myself. I've only been seeing my therapist for a few months & already have a big crush on him. I've listened to the voicemail he left on my phone probably 15 times. I've done some research on it & it's a phenomenon called transference. Counselors know all about transference & most of them should know exactly how to use it to help you. I suggest letting her know. That's what I did with my therapist last week & even though it was embarrassing, I felt way better after I told him. Good luck :)

  • Anónimo
    hace 6 años

    I honestly tjink you're emotionally connected to her because she has helped you and supported you emotionally. I think the age gap is too big to fill and I think when you do find true love-at least you'll know what you're looking for. I think you live her but I dont think you're IN LOVE with her. I admire my mother and think she is the most beautiful woman I will ever know, she has shown me the greatest love of understanding me but I love her because she's my mother. I am in love with my girlfriend because she's my equal and we both are equally in love with each other.

  • Anónimo
    hace 6 años

    Get another therapist. She can't help you.

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